Having unhealthy relationships is a real bummer. This happens because of certain behaviors are taking place. Let’s look at 5 of them and how we can recognize them.
Let’s be real…relationships can be hard. It’s not something we’re taught in school, and most of us have few, if any, good role models to follow. Understanding the most common behaviors that cause unhealthy relationships can be a good first step to having a relationship that lasts.
See if any of these behaviors seem familiar, either in yourself or in a relationship you have or had perhaps a boyfriend of girlfriend you have had.
Sadly these behaviors can doom a relationship to failure:
Behaviors of Unhealthy Relationships
Fear of Intimacy
Maybe you want someone in your life, but you don’t want them getting too close. This is a common fear, particularly among men, but women also struggle with this relationship challenge.
Eventually, your partner will become frustrated with the contrast between your need for love and your expectation of failure.
According, to The Albert Ellis Institute these, are some of the signs of fear of intimacy.
- Avoiding physical/sexual contact or having an insatiable sexual appetite
- Difficulty with commitment
- History of unstable relationships
- Low self-esteem
- Bouts of anger
- Difficulty forming close relationships
- Difficulty sharing feelings
- Difficulty showing emotion
- Difficulty trusting
Poor Communication Habits
This can include everything from not mentioning the little things that get on your nerves to just not communicating in a meaningful way on a daily basis.
The quality of communications is a key component to health and longevity in your relationship.
Some tips on communication:
- Avoid texting when discussing heated topics or in a fight. It’s easy to think one thing and the person is saying totally different. I’ve been there done that. It’s not wise.
- Expecting the other person to figure out what’s bothering you. This is a common challenge. No matter how much the other person loves you, they can’t read your mind. Take responsibility for your feelings and needs and communicate them to your significant other.
- Avoidance. Many of us like to give the silent treatment when we feel annoyed or wronged. This accomplishes nothing other than escalating the situation.
Insecurities stink! We all have dealt with this on a certain level. But when the insecurity is too deep it can cause a lot of problems in a relationship.
Insecurity can manifest itself in many ways:
- Are you frequently jealous? This can include your partner’s close friends and previous relationships.
- Do you analyze everything your partner says and does for some sign that they’re losing interest?
- Do you need constant reassurance that everything is okay?
- Do you spend more time worried about the stability of your relationship than you do enjoying it?
If you have a lot of insecurity in your relationships, consider addressing your levels of self-confidence and self-esteem. If you are a Christian this can be done with learning your self-worth and identity in Christ. It’s absolutely life-changing.
A Need for Control
The need to control every aspect of your relationship is unhealthy. No one likes to be dominated day in and day out. Ask yourself why you feel the need to control everything about your relationship.
Micromanaging doesn’t work in the workplace, and it won’t work in your relationships. Doesn’t matter if it’s a friend significant other.
This is commonly camouflaged as caretaking taken to the extreme. But caring for the other person isn’t the real purpose. The real purpose is control.
A lot of need of control comes out of a place of fear. Learning to deal with that fear is vital for you learning to let go.
The Role of the Martyr
If you are not familiar with the martyr complex don’t worry most haven’t.
“Nice guys” and “Nice women” often assume this role. They mistakenly believe that if they sacrifice enough in the name of other’s happiness, they’ll eventually get what they need in the end. Sadly, that doesn’t always work.
Over time, this leads to a level of resentment and hurt. It even can cause you to feel rejected. This can then play on your insecurities.
The martyr complex isn’t something that just happens in romantic relationships but also in other areas like work.
Look at your past relationships and consider how many of these behaviors were present in yourself or the other person.
By dealing with these common behaviors, you can give your relationships a much better chance of surviving and thriving.
I know it’s not always easy, but sometimes we have to take a hard look at ourselves. From there make some big changes. This doesn’t always happen overnight.
Meet up with a close friend or someone you feel safe with. Share your heart and concerns about having had unhealthy relationships in the past. Start taking the steps needed to get some healing.
If you’re a Christian, get into the Word and pray as well. Ask Him to help you work through this and bring healing to your heart. And if God removes this person in your life than find peace knowing God knows best.
Remember great relationships make life an exciting and rewarding experience. They are a truly beautiful thing! So, it’s worth working on yourself to become the best person you can be.
I hope this post has given you some insight so you can take steps towards having a healthy relationship. If you are interested in reading more posts on relationships…check these below.
Melissa is a passionate minister, speaker and an ongoing learner of the Bible. She has been involved in church and vocational ministry for over 18 years. And is the founder of Think About Such Things. She has the heart to equip the saints by helping them get into the Word of God and fall more in love with Jesus. She also enjoys family, cooking, and reading.
She has spoken in churches in California, Oregon, Texas, and Mexico and has been featured in Guidepost Magazine and All Recipes Magazine. Read More…